Beyond Positive Thinking | Living Fully

There is a message many of us have heard countless times:

“Just think positive.”

While positive thinking can sometimes help, it can also become something very different: toxic positivity.

Toxic positivity is the pressure to stay optimistic no matter what is happening. It dismisses real emotions and replaces them with forced cheerfulness. But real well-being does not come from pretending. Real well-being comes from meeting reality honestly.

Yesterday was a perfect reminder of that for me. Yesterday was a shitty day. And yes, believe it or not, even coaches, teachers, leaders, and practitioners have them.

I woke up after a night of terrible sleep following an emotional evening. My body was in pain and my energy was almost gone before the day had even started. Yet the schedule was still there. It would have been easy to push through the day with a forced smile. But that kind of pretending creates a deeper kind of suffering.

So instead I did something different. I checked in with myself. I moved a few meetings. I allowed myself to meditate earlier than planned. I told the people around me that my mood had nothing to do with them. And I went to bed early.

This morning I woke up with the same physical pain. But something had shifted. I had enough energy to meet the day differently.

The Second Layer of Suffering

Pain itself is difficult. But often the next level of suffering is not the pain itself, it is the anxiety around it.

Thoughts can spiral. What if this gets worse? How will I cope? What if this never goes away?

Research in psychology and pain science shows that catastrophizing and anxiety can amplify our experience of pain. The body tightens, the nervous system becomes more activated, and the suffering multiplies.

In other words, the story we tell ourselves about pain can become more exhausting than the pain itself.

This is where practices of awareness and presence make a real difference, not by pretending everything is good, but by meeting the moment as it is.

The Problem With Toxic Positivity

Positive psychology was never meant to deny difficult emotions. Yet in modern culture it is sometimes simplified into a message of constant positivity.

That is not what the science actually suggests. Suppressing emotions does not make them disappear. Instead, it often increases stress and internal tension.

Going beyond toxic positivity means allowing the full spectrum of human experience: sadness, frustration, pain, joy, and hope. All of it belongs to being human.

Why Our Minds Focus on the Negative

Interestingly, traditional psychology has long focused heavily on problems, suffering, and what goes wrong in the mind. Much of its work has been about diagnosing and treating mental illness, trauma, and dysfunction.

Part of the reason for this focus is that our brains are naturally wired to pay more attention to negative experiences than positive ones.

From an evolutionary perspective this made sense. Our ancestors had to notice danger quickly in order to survive. A missed threat could mean serious harm, while missing something pleasant rarely had the same consequences.

Because of this survival wiring, the brain tends to scan for problems, risks, and potential threats. This negativity bias can make difficult experiences feel larger and more overwhelming than they actually are.

Positive psychology emerged as a response to this imbalance. Instead of focusing only on what is wrong, it also explores what helps people flourish. It studies strengths, meaning, resilience, relationships, and the conditions that allow people to live fulfilling lives.

Understanding this can be helpful. It reminds us that difficult thoughts and emotions are not personal failures. They are part of how the human mind has been designed to protect us.

What Real Well-Being Looks Like

One well-known model within positive psychology is the PERMA framework, developed by psychologist Martin Seligman.

PERMA describes five core elements of well-being: Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment.

Notice something important: only one of these elements is about positive emotions.

The others are about living an engaged life with purpose, connection, and growth. Difficult emotions can still exist within that life.

Well-being is not the absence of struggle. It is the ability to continue living meaningfully even when life is imperfect.

Finding Calm Within the Storm

This week’s featured meditation was originally written just for the teenage daughter of one of my former clients.

She was going through a difficult period and struggling with stress and anxiety related to school and daily pressures. Her mind would keep racing at night, and she often woke up with anxiety.

The meditation helped her tremendously. It allowed her mind to settle, her body to relax, and eventually she was able to sleep through the night without waking up with anxiety.

Because it helped her so much, I decided to share it with others, record and include it in the guided meditation library.

In the meditation I mention school a few times because it was written for her. But even if you are not a student, this meditation is for you. Simply replace that word in your mind with whatever fits your life right now: work, responsibilities, family, or something else.

There are moments when positive thinking simply does not reach deep enough. Moments when anxiety, stress, or physical pain feel very real.

Calm Within the Storm does not ask you to force positive thoughts. Instead, it helps the body settle, the breath soften, and the nervous system return to steadiness.

Sometimes the goal is not to make the storm disappear, but simply to find calm inside it.

You can listen to the meditation here:

77 MIN

Calm Within the Storm

A Guided Meditation for Anxious Minds

The Real Practice

As I already mentioned, yesterday was not a good day. But I did not pretend it was. And because of that honesty, today feels different.

Sometimes the real practice is not positive thinking. Sometimes the real practice is simply honoring what is true in the moment. Allowing difficult emotions to exist. Letting the body rest when it needs to. Meeting yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. And strangely enough, when we stop forcing positivity, something more genuine appears. A little more space, a little more calm, a little more hope.

Not because life suddenly became perfect. But because we finally allowed ourselves to be human. And sometimes, that is far more powerful than simply trying to think positive.

With love,

Johanna